One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
