I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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