I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
