I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
thus making me awesome and them whores
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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