idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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