Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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