why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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