how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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