I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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