So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
