Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
