I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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