Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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