i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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