I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
