Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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