did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
