Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
