I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
