The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
