But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You're like the curious george of whores
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I would ride that face into the sunset
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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