i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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