I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
