i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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