Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
