Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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