We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
