Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
