New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
