apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Even my vagina gasped.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
