This is not my ceiling
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
