this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
