when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
