It's like God shit irony all over that family
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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