Christians are straight up FREAKS
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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