as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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