i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
