i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
