dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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