I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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