She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
