hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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