my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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