hotel room ftw
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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