i permit you to call me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
