If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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