its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
