I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
