new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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