you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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