so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
