I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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