he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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