that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
