I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
