Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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