I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
