ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
