just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
