Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
