you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
