i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
