Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
