This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dick very happy bro
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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