I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
