The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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