So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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