is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
