I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
