Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
