i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
