I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize