I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
