Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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