South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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