I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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