Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
