This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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