I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
