guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
